The Marriage Covenant (Christian Marriage) – Responsibility, Commitment, Covenant, Responsibility, and Duty – Should Not Be Taken Lightly. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Mark 10:7-9
The Pharisees and “teachers of the law” always seemed to be trying to trap Jesus with tricky questions in an attempt to condemn him. They were very legalistic and followed even the smallest details of the law, including those from humans rather than God. Of course, Jesus reserved his harshest rebukes for these religious traditionalists and used these opportunities to teach some of his most important lessons.
In one such instance, the Pharisees asked Jesus if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife, claiming that Moses allowed a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away. Jesus responded that Moses permitted this due to the hardness of human hearts, almost as a concession to our sinful nature (Mark 10:2-5). Then he added a lesson that we all know well if we have studied the Bible.
“But at the beginning of creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” – Mark 10:6-9
We assume that Adam and Eve were married. They had children and many generations of descendants. Genesis 2 describes it this way:
“But for Adam, no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.’ That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (verses 20b-24)
“What God has joined together” is clear in this passage. Adam made it very clear that his heart was given to Eve. What is less clear is where exactly they formally got married in the course of events.
The lesson on divorce is quite clear, just as the lesson on marriage (Christian marriage) between a man and a woman is clear. However, what is not explicitly defined throughout the Bible is what exactly constitutes marriage (Christian marriage). How can we know what God has joined together? When does God consider a man and woman to be married? The silence of the Bible on this matter makes the question somewhat challenging.
There are many perspectives on this matter – each presenting its own challenges.
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Diverse Views on Christian Marriage
Perhaps the most common thought, especially here in the United States, is that God considers a man and woman married only when they have completed some form of formal wedding ceremony – when they have taken vows before a pastor. They believe this means “marrying in the church” and equate it with being married in the eyes of God. Of course, there is no biblical guidance or requirement for this.
Some say that the creation of the woman by God and presenting her to Adam signifies the father giving his daughter in marriage. Certainly, John describes in the second chapter of his Gospel a time when Jesus and his disciples attended a wedding in Cana. Jesus would not have attended this ceremony if he did not approve of it. But does this indicate that a wedding ceremony is necessary and in God’s eyes? While this view holds significant value, it raises many questions.
If such a ceremony is required – what exactly would the requirements for this ritual be? Must it be in a physical church building or before a pastor? Which church would be acceptable? Or… unacceptable? An apostate church or perhaps one opposing certain theologies? Jehovah’s Witnesses or LDS? Suppose the pastor is gay? Or does this need to add more laws to the laws – or exceptions to the laws?
Another common view is that God considers a man and woman married when they are legally married by whatever governmental authority under which they live. This view is thought to be supported by Romans 13:1-7 and 1 Peter 2:17.
“Let everyone be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.” – Romans 13:1
In other words, if the government requires an official marriage license, the couple should adhere to these requirements and do whatever the governing body requires.
The challenge with this view is that marriage was recognized long before governments and requirements for legal marriage licenses existed. Moreover, many governments do not have such a requirement. This also implicitly endorses and legitimizes government laws regarding marriage.
Some say the first time a couple has sexual intercourse is when God recognizes them as husband and wife – citing the concept of “becoming one flesh” mentioned in several verses in the Bible (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:8; Ephesians 5:31). They also point to the story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 24 – where the family considered them married after consummating the relationship. However, such stories involve much more in prearranged marriages, including verbal contracts, cultural procedures, and dowries.
Furthermore, this argument does not account for the distinction between wives and numerous concubines in the Old Testament, or adulterous relationships which are certainly not considered marriage.
Many of us here in the United States seem to want to apply our rules to things we think everyone should abide by. Of course, we often write “exceptions” to these rules for those who cannot follow them. In other words, we make our own accommodations. We more or less apply our legalism to what is not found in the Bible.
So, what is meant by marriage (Christian marriage)?
Perhaps we should first consider what God expects from a husband and wife. Surely, the Bible has a lot to say about this. Throughout the New Testament, we read lessons about the relationship between husband and wife. Perhaps none are as striking as Paul’s writings to the Ephesians:
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” – Ephesians 5:21
Paul taught that wives should submit themselves to their husbands as to the Lord (verse 22) and instructed husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her (verse 25). He compared the relationship between husband and wife to that between Christ and the church. Paul held the marriage relationship in high regard.
The author of Hebrews states it this way:
“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” – Hebrews 13:4
This is a statement worth repeating. “Marriage should be honored by all.”
There are many other verses that clarify the biblical view on the importance of marriage (Christian marriage) and how husbands and wives should treat each other: Ephesians 5:22-27; Genesis 2:18; Colossians 3:18; 1 Peter 3:7; 1 Corinthians 7:2-5. Isaiah says, “As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” (verse 62:5)
However, the lesson from Genesis 2 starts us off – and leaves us with a lesson for all of us. “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.'” (verse 2:18)
Adam recognized the importance of Eve – his wife: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” – Genesis 2:23
The Bible clearly and unequivocally intended marriage to be a commitment between a man and a woman to live for each other. To honor and sacrifice – for each other. To submit to each other as we submit to the Lord.
Cultural, environmental, situational, or legal conditions should be recognized and adhered to. These are the public endorsements of a private commitment – a commitment to love each other as we love ourselves. A kind of love that goes beyond emotions but exists in our attitudes and actions. It is a commitment to stick together in hardship and comfort. In good times and bad. In everything. The enduring bond between husband and wife even surpasses the bond with our parents. When a man leaves his father and mother, the two become one flesh.
These covenants – responsibility, commitment, covenant, responsibility, and duty – are what make up Christian marriage and should not be taken lightly.
This – this is what constitutes a Christian marriage in the eyes of God.
