4 Things Christian Marriage Requires of Us Beyond Love

I thought all that was needed to have a healthy Christian marriage was love. But then I got married and quickly realized, as Don Henry and Patti Smith sang in their ’90s hit, “Baby, sometimes love alone isn’t enough.” Love is our highest goal; As the apostle Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 13, “the greatest of these.” So, I’m not denying the necessity of love in marriage, but I’m challenging the notion that love is all you need for a marriage to thrive.

The Beatles sang “All You Need Is Love,” but interestingly, Paul McCartney was married three times, and John Lennon was married twice. Before his death, he admitted that he had more than 300 romantic relationships during his marriage with his first wife, and he also had many relationships during his marriage with his second wife. If these are the people Americans look up to as “idols,” then it’s no wonder we have a misunderstanding of how love works in marriage.

Love is essential. It’s like cake flour. Your marriage will go up and down depending on the amount of love you have. However, just as a cake needs other ingredients to be delicious and last, so does a marriage.

1. Communication in Christian marriage

Communication in marriage is the thread that binds two life partners together. This is what intimacy is built on. A couple may experience physical pleasure without connection, but they will never experience the depth of intimacy without real connection.

When a person feels separated from their spouse, they feel alone, unwanted, unimportant and abused. Most likely the love is still there, but no one’s heart is in the relationship.

Communication is based on presence. To build a strong marriage, each spouse must be emotionally and physically present. This can be difficult for couples whose time together is often interrupted by military deployments, long work hours, or other travel.

2. Communication in a Christian marriage

In my opinion, the biggest problem couples have that makes them come to me for help is communication. Or at least they think so. But when you really have a relationship with your spouse, communication will not be a problem anymore. A big part of my work as a marriage counselor is helping couples build deeper connections. However, there are some top ways to communicate that any couple can improve.

We must remember that communication is a two-way process in which one person sends information and the other person receives that information. The problem in many marriages is that spouses often care more about sending information than receiving it.

Most arguments start with a disagreement, right? A couple I was counseling recently (let’s call them Sam and Sandy) argued about seemingly everything. Sam and Sandy would show up at marriage counseling sessions angry and ready to fight each other. I had to intervene several times to remind them that they were playing on the same team. Sam felt that Sandy talked to her too much and Sandy never felt that Sam really listened to her. Sandy is an analytical learner who values facts and data, so she felt the need to systematically report all her findings about Sam’s shortcomings to her. Feeling attacked by Sandy’s reporting of her failures, Sam often interrupted her mid-sentence and refused to accept that she needed to change. We soon realized that the couple had a serious hearing problem.

3. Commitment in Christian marriage

Christian marriages are built on commitment. We stand before God and our chosen witnesses to commit to a marriage covenant: an unbreakable promise. In biblical times, covenants were essential to God’s redemptive plan to restore humanity to the divine calling. God is serious about covenants. He never breaks his promise.

He made a covenant with Noah that he would never flood the earth again (Genesis 9:11).
He made a covenant with Abraham to make him the father of a great nation with a permanent land (Genesis 15:18).
He made a covenant with Moses and the Israelites so that God’s chosen people would be kings and priests (Exodus 19:5-6).
He made a covenant with David that he would always have a successor as ruler on the throne (2 Chronicles 7:18).
He made a covenant through Jesus – a new covenant of eternal life for you and me (Luke 22:20).

4. Calling in Christian marriage

Whenever I counsel premarital couples, I ask, “Are you called to marry this person?” After their surprise subsides, they usually stammer, “Oh, yes. I think so.” you think? Marriage is a commitment, but it is also a calling. Not everyone is called to marriage. I’m sure your mind is filled with examples of members of your extended family who fall into this category.

In their premarital book and program, Called Together, Steve and Mary Prokopchak explain that premarital counseling “helps strengthen the couple’s faith, or shows the couple that they are not, in fact, called together.” More Christians need to stop asking if their future spouse is “who I was meant to be” and start asking if their future spouse is “who I am called to be with?”

When you know that God has called you and your spouse together, arguments, different values, and even calamities will not separate you. This is why marriage should be a joint decision. Many young professional lovers in their twenties (and certainly in their fifties) get married without asking the honest opinion of their family, pastor, and friends. When you are called to marry someone, your faith community will understand this as well.

Today in the article : 4 Things Christian Marriage Requires of Us Beyond Love  We reviewed useful information about the Bible and the way of Jesus. If you wish, you can view other articles of Ali Vahidi about Christianity